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The night was very dark. I found it hard to sleep. It was quiet except for the hum of the car motor, but after several hours, the car pulled to a stop. We kids were scrunched up in the back seat of the car all sleeping except me. With my eyes shut and my ears open, I heard my mom ask, "Which way, left or right? Where do we go?". We were heading down the road with no destination.
Although my parents had hardly any possessions, they had lots of "baggage". The car had room enough to carry seven restless kids, two adults, and every problem accumulated in my parent’s dozen years of marriage. Each problem came with a forwarding address. Soon after our move, each took on a life of its own and began multiplying. The drinking problem became alcoholism, and anger grew into rage, producing a home filled with violence, fear, abuse, and a spirit of hopelessness and despair. There was lots of control, but no power to change.
At nights, my eyes would be closed, but my ears were always open. Hearing the screams, the drunken arguing and physical fighting, drove me into a valley of despair. We were all prisoners without choices or hope for change. As a teen I contemplated running away, but feared it could take me down a path worse than the one I was walking. I contemplated suicide, but my mind had no assurance or peace that the life hereafter would be any better than this one and then my future would be sealed.
In my early teen years, I lived across the street from a classmate from school. Her home was different than mine. Her father was different than mine. At my house after dinner, my father would reach for a bottle. At her home after dinner, her father would reach for a Bible. I had never before known a Christian family. I decided that my family was the way we were because my father was an alcoholic. It made sense to me that her family must be the way they were because her father was a Christian.
By the time I turned eighteen, it was time for change. I wanted to be in control. I had longed for the time when I could make my own choices so when invited to live with my cousin from another province, I chose to leave home. My first Sunday away, I attended church. I heard from Romans 8:28 that God had a plan for my life, regardless of how out of control things appeared. I heard that God had "called" me for a special plan according to His purpose and plans. I looked at my life and I could see no evidence of a "plan". Although I never had personal contact with God, I did believe that he existed. Was my need to be in control, coming in the way of God’s plan and call on my life? Could he turn all the horrible things in my life into something He could use for good? I hadn’t been able to turn my life into anything good. Why not let Him have control for awhile, especially if He’s got it all figured out already?
After a few weeks, a new friend offered me an opportunity to make my destiny certain. I wanted change. I wanted a new life. My friend explained that only God could give life and only through His Son Jesus Christ could anyone get this new life. I remembered my Christian friend from my early teen years. Then I realized that this was the life I wanted – new life in Christ. I prayed, inviting Christ to be my personal Savior and Lord. That day I found the power to change. Real power for real change.
A veil of darkness lifted from my life and for the first time I felt joy, peace and hope. I felt like I had something to live for. Of course I did. God had a plan for me. I remembered Romans 8:28 and it became clear to me. If God was going to use the pain in my life, then I could forgive those that had brought that pain into my life. Through the power of Christ, I was able to free myself from bitterness and anger. That one decision gave me the power to change from being a victim to a victor. The power to change never loses its intensity. Over time, His power changed the junk in my life into jewels. He took the victim and made her a victor. My destiny of hope has become a journey of joy as I walk with Jesus in his power and in his victory. I’ve found real power for real change for now and eternity.
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