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 In 1971, the troubles in Northern Ireland were increasingly becoming a danger to myself and to my six children. We listened to horror stories of suffering every day on the radio. Our personal horror story came the night I was attacked by two gunmen. One beat me while asking me questions about someone's whereabouts. Although I wasn't a Christian, I silently prayed for God to help me.
The crying of my newborn daughter distracted the gunman at the bottom of the bed. Her cot was behind the bedroom door, out of sight from them.
‘Ah, look’, the gunman said, ‘there's a baby here. Go and see if there's anymore.’
‘The house is full of them,’ exclaimed the other puzzled gunman.
‘Oh, come on! Let’s leave her,’ the first gunman instructed.
They left, and I cried knowing that God had been merciful to us. I thanked God that I allowed my children to let their wee pals sleep over that night.
Because of what happened, we immediately moved to England. I was looking for peace, but I knew I was living a lie. The man I was with was cruel, especially when drunk. He often beat my children and me. I became so depressed that one day I got drunk and threw myself in front of a car. This put me in the hospital with a fractured skull. As a result, my balance became affected and I lost all sense of smell. My life was a mess!
This situation continued until the day I decided to seek out God. I went to a church and asked a lady to pray that God would help me to stop smoking. God graciously did! One day, I took a quick puff from a friend's cigarette which made me feel so ill that, 22 years later, I still have never desired another cigarette.
Later, I went back to church and spoke to the pastor. I asked him to pray that Jesus would remove my common-law husband from my life. He left a few weeks later. Unfortunately, he came back a few times and tried to make sexual advances towards my eldest daughter.
I felt trapped. Plus, I was pregnant with his child. Later, he went to prison for other crimes, allowing my children and I a newfound freedom. But as his release neared, I became terrified that he would once again try to hurt my kids. To make matters worse, I became seriously ill after the baby’s birth and ended up in hospital.
One evening, while in hospital, I had a rare vision. It was an experience I will never forget. I saw seven golden candlesticks on a white altar. The room was brilliant with light. Suddenly, I was walking through a dark and narrow tunnel. Someone was at my side holding a lighted candle, but I could not see who it was. I recall saying, ‘Am I dying? What shall I do?’ A voice replied, ‘Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved, and your household.’
‘But I've always known about Jesus!’ I cried. I was, after all, taught about Jesus in Sunday school.
‘So do the demons, and they tremble’, came the stern reply.
‘Oh God! If the devil knows what I know and this doesn't save him or me, what does?’ ‘Trust’, was the final answer.
I replied, ‘Lord, I have always known you were there, but I have never trusted you completely with my life. Please give me another opportunity.’
My experience ended with the Lord Jesus standing in a dim light and putting the smoldering candle down.
For many days afterwards, I was afraid to go to sleep. Then one day after praying and reading, I became aware of God’s presence. The Holy Spirit filled me with a joy like I have never before encountered. The peace that I so longed for was now mine! All the fear left me. Now, at last, here was the love I had yearned for since childhood.
God has promised that He will never leave us or forsake us. I know that He has never left me. We each need to find God for ourselves. Only He can love us completely and unconditionally and give us the power to change.
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