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I'm doing something I thought I'd never do again - working as a full-time model in New York, this time in the plus-size market. For six years, I worked full-time as a straight-size model. But I got out of the business after battling bulimia and coming to the conclusion that it wasn't right for me to continue.
Bulimia had a hold on my life, and I constantly struggled to be thin enough. I felt so guilty. I found freedom and have and have been abstinent for eight years. But my struggle with bulimia is another story.
A plus-size model - who, me?
After I quit modeling, I remained in the industry doing hair and makeup. At a photo shoot one day, a stylist encouraged me to get into modeling again, but as a plus-size model. I laughed! I had said I would never model again unless I could work just the way I was.
I didn't really consider plus sized modeling until I was in Florida and started thinking about making some extra money alongside my make-up career. Shortly after that I started working at a local church and stopped thinking much about modeling. But soon after I got representation in Miami with a plus-size agency.
While I am considered small for that end for the industry, there was plenty of work. My agent kept trying to get me to do it full time and really put some effort into it, but a full-time modeling career was not one of my desires at the time. A year and a half later I felt it was time for me go back to modeling. I can't believe that I am 31 years old and back in New York!
Seeing the fashion industry through new eyes
As I get back into the business this time, it is so different. I am better prepared me to go into the battlefield. And it is a battlefield! Although many things in the plus-size industry differ from the straight-size market, one thing remains the same: these women need hope. The emptiness is there. I can see it in their eyes.
Today I called my agency to check in for the morning. In a somber, quiet voice, my booking agent said that of the models on our board, a beautiful 21-year-old who graced the cover of Mode magazine, had committed suicide over the weekend. Though she was on the rise to great success, she felt so alone, so sad, that she felt she could not live any longer. This grieves me deeply.
Living without hope
I then thought of a conversation I'd had recently on the plane ride back from Germany with one of the models I had worked with. She also is very successful and has done many covers and campaigns. But on the plane she told me of her alcohol problem and her need for help.
These women need hope. I found that hope in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Life can be a roller coaster –– the demands and pressures that modern women face can be overwhelming. What is the answer? Where does peace come from?
Living with hope
You can have the peace that you are looking for; there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.
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